Wishes do come true...sometimes

So my birthday turned out great!! I mean 3 of my friends ditched which was pretty lame but whatever my rugger friends Kim and Lauren took me to Boston for food and then we went to hookah bar which was sick! I highly recommend going it was so chill and it tasted real good! I loved it...the people were nice and the atmosphere was very chill. It was a good way to spend my birthday...plus my other friends feel bad for missing out so I get to do birthday dinner/night twice more :) yes so all that I said before scratch that I feel a lot better now about being 20...I am living my life the way I want to! And better news, remember my post awhile back on 90s shows and how they should come back. Well someone was listening cause they are all back!! All that, Doug, kenan and kel, and so much more all back on teen nick!!! Thank you nick cannon for being down with our generation! Check out the 90s are all that midnights on teen nick!!!  So happy! Okay gotta go!!!  Oh and by the way were trying to bring the word groovy back! Let's see if it catches on :)
Bye!

Birthday part 1...

It's my birthday! I'm now officially a grown up...holy shit. My parents told me I'm getting old. Damn if I'm old then their ancient. It's weird because each birthday I've had I never felt any different but this one, I  actually feel old. 20. Well one more year till I'm 21. That'll be the shit. But I have this feeling that now I'm older I haven't fulfilled my life. I haven't spent my time the way I wanted to. Like these past years have been a waste of time. Idk its just weird. I don't feel happy at all. I feel really sad actually. I'll have to get back to you at the end of the day.
To be continued...

Finally Being Happy For Me...

<p>Ello everyone! <br>
I was trying to sound British but its kinda hard to when your reading so I guess that was kinda pointless. So update on my life. I don't know if i told you guys but I got laid off from that job I had..it sucked. I spent weeks looking for a new one. Well my search is finally over! I got my old job back from last summer! So happy and I'm getting paid what I made at my old job which was 10/hr. WINNING! I'm pumped I start on Friday. I need at least some money to go back to school with! And some other great news. Remember how I told you guys I was taking this summer to find and love me first before I can open my heart up to anyone else. Well its paying off. I started doing the insanity dvds with my good friend Kim. We've been doing this  everyday for a week and a half and I'm starting to see results :) were doing the 60 day challenge to get sweet and sexy shirts at the end of it! I'm ready to go back to school looking good :) I would love support for you guys! I need as much as possible I'm determined to get all this weight down. I'm not happy or comfortable in my own skin and I want to know what it feels like to be...happy. just thinking about it puts a smile on my face. I want my smiles to finally mean something. I do honestly feel that if I lose this weight life will be better for me. I'm tired of the comments from family you haven't seen in a while. I'm tired of being the invisible friend amongst pretty ones. Im tired of feeling like fat chopped liver or that fat girl in the crowd. I don't want to be sad anymore. I'm doing this for me. No one else but me...
Oh another update so your guys remember how I told you about this girl who started going out with a boy I told her I liked. Well I finally told her how I felt and was upset that she did it. I told her it didn't  matter anymore because they were together and I was happy that they were happy. I just wanted her to be aware that I had been hurt by her actions...she felt like shit. I was a little happy inside. A week later they broke up...I dont want to feel responsible for their breakup...but I kinda do..she told me it was because she wasn't ready for the relationship he wanted which was way too intense. Fair enough I guess. But he's all over her shit. I'm over him. It's time for me to move one. Maybe with this new life and new body the guys will finally come to me like they do with other pretty girls. It's  new semester coming up...I'm ready to make a change.
I'll keep you guys post and maybe pictures!

Signing off
- a girl finally deserving to be happy

Bumming real hard now...

Hey everyone! It's been too long. I've been trying to get on here and update you guys on my life but I haven't had the energy to. I haven't had the energy to do much these days. Before I get into all that I FINALLY got a new phone and I'm in love with it! It's the HTC evo. Advice: if you want a smartphone..fuck the blackberry okay...this phone is where its at. Android powered phones are amazing! So much to do and SO many apps lol. So yea get it. Secondly..I got a job and then I got laid off from that job. It sucked...business was slow so they laid off 8 people. So now I'm jobless and it blows. Luckily I've had interviews and I have one tomorrow..I'm aiming for two jobs so I can get a car this summer. Let's hope it all works out. I'm nervous. So now here's the issue. I'm super bummed out and I don't know why. I feel real low and I feel like everyone is ignoring me. Honestly I hate this slump I'm in cause its so hard to get out of. I feel hated. Honestly I want to cry. Then when I get like this...all these other thoughts get into my head and I get even more depressed. Movies don't help cause you know bullshit like that don't happen in the real world..thanks movies for crushing all dreams. Sometimes I don't understand what's out there for me. I just wanna crawl in a hole and die. I don't want to do anything but sit in my room. I don't know what to do anymore...

Not much...besides the BRUINS!

Today was my first day of work. It was SO chill. My supervisor is insanely cool its amazing. She basically let's you do whatever as long as your doing your work. It's weird because it's  different from what I'm use to. I worked in bigger cafes and it  was crazy all the time but because this is a business building it's a bit smaller. It was SO slow today. I did nothing and everything is wicked easy, it won't take me long to learn the ropes. It helps that they just started because this place just opened the other day because they switched companies. I can get use to this real quick:) So I WAS having a good day till I came home and my mother ruined it with her bitchy self, as usual.

I need to get out of this house. Yes I'm tired of it already. I'm bored as fuck and theres nothing to do. I get to see my friends tomorrow which is going to be really exciting and really fun. Can't wait! But heres the problem, I have to see bitch and her new boyfriend who really should have been mine. I might vomit. Nothing a drink or two can't handle and then I won't even pay them any mind. I hate getting hurt and screwed over at the same time.

So I need luck. My friend is going to talk to her boss at Saus tomorrow to get me a job. Hopefully they take me because then I won't have to work in Lowell. I really want to work there and work with my good friend. It would be a sick summer of just working. Right my life is soooooo excited..NAHT. I know but it'll all be worth it in the end. AND hope that I get that Sunday school job too! I'd be so happy if I could do all of them. WISH ME LUCK. Well I don't have much thought today, I'm kinda in a pissy mood right now.

Before I go I would like to thank summer-claire for giving me an award for stylish blogger!:)


I've never gotten an award before..this is my first! YAY! SOOO go check her out at http://summerdreamsx.blogspot.com/ ...her blog is actually pretty good...haha ;) thanks girl!

OH and by the way BRUINS ARE ON TONIGHT! WOOOOH LETS GOOOOOO! :)

until next time
-saskia

It's Time To Love ME

Okay guys I've got some fabulous news! I got a job! YAY! I had an interview yesterday with this place called Sebastian's. It's a cafe, I will be doing line cook and cashier. I start next Monday. It's a Monday-Friday 9-3 shifts everyday no weekends. perfect! That leaves me time to find a job I can work nights and weekends. It gets better! I have an interview next Tuesday at this place called Lowell Beer Works. I had applied for the Hostess position. Hopefully I get that job and can work nights and weekends. If  not that place my friend Lauren works at the place called Saus in Boston in Fanuiel Hall which would be sick cause I love Lauren she's soo funny and on my rugby team. So basically I'm in for a quite a summer;) lets keep our fingers crossed for me! Plus it's beautiful out!

Okay so heres the issue. One of my teammates is a bit of a bitch right now. She is a selfish bitch who only cares about herself. So remember the boy I told you guys I may or may not have feelings for? Well can't do jack shit about that now because she just dove in and stole him from me. It gets better. SHE KNEW I HAD FEELINGS FOR HIM. Yup, backstabbing bitch. She knew and still did it and I'm very resentful towards her right now. Like you just don't do that. She the type of girl that only cares about her and her own selfish needs and everyone else can fend for themselves. She already screwed over 3 BEST FRIENDS by fucking all of them. She's a fucked up person. I'm just waiting for this relationship to FAIL MISERABLY. And guess whose gonna end up fucking it up, HER. Yup I called it. What sucks even more is that I think I still kind of like him and it hurts like hell to try and get over it. I've learned that in life your heart chooses who you like and don't like and who you love. You can't help it, it's just how it's gotta be. I've decided to take a whole new outlook on life cause I'm just SO TIRED of getting my heart ripped out of my chest and stomped on. I'm just gonna love me. It's time that I start loving myself and that's it. If it's all about me then I won't get hurt. It may sound a little selfish yes but I've been through way too much and have cared way too much about others and haven't really gotten that same respect back. Someone's gotta do it and if I can find someone to love me than I'm just gonna love myself. That's my easy way out of a broken heart. I've come to terms with all of that now.

So my plans for the rest of the week? Tomorrow I have to go in and fill out paper work for this job and stuff. Saturday is my little sister's dance recital and then I'm leaving to NH for my friends birthday party which is going to be insane. Basically it's going to be a mini reunion  of all my friends:) I'm pretty excited. Well everyone have a fabulous Wed!!
till next time
-Saskia

My Focus

Wah! It's been forever I know and I'm extremely sorry! I'm home for the summer, so now I have plenty of time to talk about my pointless life. So I got home last Saturday. I stayed for senior week, which was AMAZING. It was really fun just being with the seniors with their last few days at good ole frankie p! It was really chill, for once, no drama of underclassmen, you can do whatever you want and no one gave a shit. And everyone was shitfaced the entire time. Haha, every night I was gone...bad but it was a good time. Now I'm taking a break because by Saturday my tummy hurt, A LOT hah. But I'm going back up next Saturday for my good friend Sam's birthday. It should be fun. I need a break from this house already! By the way, I'm on that 3.0 status for my GPA, HELL YA! I worked my ass off this semester for that, and I'll be damned if I let myself fuck that up. Hell no! Everyone was actually really surprised that I got that. What the hell man!? I'm not stupid! I'm actually quite intelligent and vivid when I WANT to be. But no one looks past party girl Saskia Joseph. I don't even party that much. Okay well that's a lie. But so does everyone else! When I'm out the same people are out too! So they can piss off if they think I'm a fucking dunce. You gotta do what it takes to make it in life, and I did it, the hard way too not the easy way. I studied, I did all my papers, I did all my power-points,  EVERYTHING. Suck it.

So my goals for the summer: GET A JOB! Do you know how hard it is to actually find one?? REAL HARD. But I NEED one. It's crucial to my goals. And I'm tired of working in the food industry, this is how I get FAT. Which leads into my next goal: LOSE WEIGHT.  I need to so bad. And this time, It's legit. I want to lose weight for myself, so I can feel good about who I am, and when I look in the mirror, it won't be disgust, it'll be like "Damn whose that chick?" I want to look in the mirror and smile at the person looking back. "Happiness: the ability to look in the mirror and like the person looking back..." I want that. And then comes everything that comes with losing weight, being noticed and maybe someone will actually be interested in me. I know looks aren't everything, but they really are. In this cut throat society looks are EVERYTHING. As much as I don't want to believe and you don't want to believe, deep down, you know it really is. Well I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna try and lose as much weight as possible. If anyone has ANY TIPS, please do share because anything helps:) I'll also keep this blog as a diary of my progress as well as my life, so updating will be must! More of ME YAY!:)
My next goal: GET A CAR...which well, getting a job needs to come first, I've applied at over 20 places and nowhere has gotten back. FML. I'm going to the mall on Monday to find any openings, wish me luck and keep your fingers crossed for me!
So yeah, no where in there does it say enjoy my summer, because I know when I do find a job, I will be selling my soul to that place. Yup...no biggie. Either way thats what the school year is for. It's okay. I'm over it.

So those are my goals and where my priorities are right now. Lets hope for the best. And OF COURSE I will DEF keep everyone updated. This time is for real.
Until next time:)
-Saskia