Stay Ruthless for the New Year

Well it is officially the last day of 2010! My goal for 2011...BE MORE RUTHLESS=] and a bunch of other new year resolutions that repeat each year. I won't complain too much about this year because it wasn't all that good. But it wasn't all bad either. I mean I've made a few accomplishments that I'm pretty proud of as well. I hope that next year brings some wishes I've always had. As the years change so do our lives, people will come and go, we have our ups and downs but one thing we should all remember that life moves on. It doesn't stop so we can fix things, the best we can do is pick ourselves and move on with it, our heads held high and a smile on our face. Don't let anything seem to impossible to do and never give up on your dreams. Happy New Year everyone, may you be as ruthlesss as I will be!

A Little Under the Weather..

15 days till I'm back to happiness.

I'm feeling really down in the dumps today. Fill in on the past real quick: whenever I come home I get put in this funk that is impossible to get out of. I feel really low about myself and that the world hates me. As hard as I try to get these thoughts out of my head they just don't and honestly it makes me feel really bad about myself. I wont say much today because I'll end up saying things I really don't mean.

But on the bright side...so "Forever Strong" my favorite rugby movie of all time. Well one of the characters in the movie is named Larry Gelwix, who in real life is by far one of the best High school rugby coaches of all time with 351 wins and 9 loses in his ENTIRE career. He's amazing! So I was creepin on the web and ended up finding his facebook. Well I did something I thought I would never have the balls to do and messaged him saying how much his movie inspires our team and thanked him for being a huge role model in our lives. Well, HE MESSAGED BACK! The Larry Gelwix messaged ME back! EPIC!!!! I was soooo excited. And to add onto the good news we found Actor Sean Feris on facebook! We may or may not friend request him! Well I want too, but I'm not doing it alone so I have to wait...

Well thats an update on my life I'm sorry I dont have much for you but like I said I'm not in the best of moods today I feel like crying right now it's upsetting. Untill next time!
saskia-
   

Summer Nights

So uhm i don't know if you guys know this but it is SUPER cold outside and I personally am sick of it! lol I'm a summer girl so of course I'm gonna bitch and moan about the winter. I hate it. I live for hot days and warm summer night...especially the nights. I sit outside on my porch and just stare up at the stars. I mean the skeeters seem to always ruin it but somehow it's completely worth it. I remember one spring night up on my campus, my friend and I had just came back from being out all night. It was about 2am and we weren't tired at all. So we were walking around and some kid goes "hey you guys should try this, come lie down" so we did and was it the most relaxing time ever. We laid in the grass for god knows how long and just looked at the stars. In NH there are no city lights so the stars are easier to see and there SO MANY. It gorgeous and your bound to see at least 3 shooting stars, I kid you not! I miss doing that alot. Those are the days where I can forget about all my problems and for that period of time, my mind floats away and I can just think about the stars and thats it. Nothing else. Like there are no problems in the world at all. I'm not saying there is, but for one night, forget that the world even had problems. It's beautiful.

Random thought: I wish I lived in the 70's. It's always been something that I've envied. I mean I know it's a little too late now but they had it so much better then. Freedom was actually being free and parents didn't worry so much about their kids and you literally lived your life to the fullest. I just feel like everything was so much better then. Dazed and Confused. One of my all time favorite movies. I wish I was part of that crew. Those kids didn't have a worry in the world. Floyd definetely had the right idea. Of living for today and not worrying about tommorow. Kid's were alot more free then and could do alot more stuff without parents up their asses about everything. Where HS days were really the best days of a teenagers life. I wish that life could still be like that. Like one big 70's show. Everything seemed so much easier then than it is now. Wouldn't it be nice if people could really live for today and not worry about tommorow? It's hard to do that in the society we live in now. It's always about planning ahead and making sure everythings going to be okay. How about we just live for the moment...

Started So Long Ago...

So I think it's time to start counting down the days where I can go back to school. I need to get outta this stupid house like oh i dont know now would be perfect. I CANT STAND MY MOTHER. I'm not even gonna bother gettin started on how much of a bitch she is. To all the cool mothers out there, please adopt me! Enough of her whatever.

So anyways thoughts of the day: friendship and how some friends just suck. In my past I've had friends that come and go. Friends that fade away and of course the great that stay in your life for a really long time. I've had them all. What sucks the most? Watching really good friends just disappear out your life. I've had my fair share of them. I'm sure everyone has. What I tell myself all time, one day they will find themselves in a situation where they need help, and when that time comes and no one is there for them, they'll find themselves remembering the people that were actually there for them in the past and realize that at times like those, it's when they wish they never lost sight of what really mattered. Good Friends. I'm one of those people they think about. I have always been there for all my friends no matter what. But what's hard about situations like those, no ones ever there to listen to me. It sucks when your friends could give two rats ass about you. I've had issues with picking good friends, I always pick the wrong ones, and then they just screw me over. Oh yesss, well of course as I got older, I started to realize that I deserve a whole lot better than what I'm getting. So last summer? Or the summer before? I changed everything, and made the right desicion to do away with the bad and bring in the good and new. I did away with all the friends that I was always there for, but when I needed someone the most they were nowhere to be found. I'm not overdoing anything either, these people literally treated me like crap and finally I took a stand. I'm a much more happier person now, I'm with people that listen to me and treat me with the respect I'd like to think I deserve. I guess what I'm trying to say is to choose your friend wisely. I think I'm pretty damn lucky to have the friends that I have now. For a long time I was really upset with my life and honestly didn't even want to live anymore. But everyday I had a smile on my face showing the whole world that I was okay with my life. Well I met great people when I went to college last year and now I have a reason to smile all the time, well except when I'm home for long periods of time. But beside that; I'm at a point in my life where I'm content...and I haven't felt like that in a very long time. I once heard quote " Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them"...

Alone in the Winter

I hate the snow. No let me rephrase that. I like the snow and how it looks and all but hate the fact that I have to spend ETERNITY shoveling. Like really snow, why can't you just fall and then pick up after yourself when your all set?I'm living at a place where I won't have to shovel anything. I hate it! And every year when we get a huge snow fall such as this, my mom bitches about how she thinks the neighbors broke our machine even though they are kind enough to clean our sidewalks. She's so ungrateful...

So today was a chill day, I had a lot of time to think, even though thats all I've been doing since I've been home from school is think. Love. I mean sure it's out there but is it for everyone? I mean myself I don't think theres a plan out there for me. I mean I've already made up my life plan of no relationship. I'm gonna have 2 dogs and maybe a cat I don't know. The orignal plan was to just have a bunch of cats but then I realized they won't be as much fun as a dog, so I changed it. I mean I feel like I'm just always waiting for something, anything to happen and it just doesn't. My friend once told me she knew how I felt and that's how it was for her as well. Difference is she's already had two relationships since that conversation and then here I am still waiting. So what exactly do I do now? Wait somemore?? Yeah thats real fun. I mean I know I should be putting myself out there and making first moves and blah blah blah. Trust me, I am but how far is that REALLY gonna take me? But it sucks, cause I'm watching everyone around me have relationships and that one special someone and bullshit like that and of course I'm gonna sit by and force a smile on my face. Of course I'm happy for them, but I'm also scared. That once my friends find that one person I'm gonna be left behind and be alone, for a really looong time. I'm not that type that craves attention, but I also don't want to be forgotten and I feel like no one will ever come along for me. Then what? It's two way street for me I either become some alcholic or a bitch. And as of right now I'm niether one of those lol. But I can totally see it coming. I mean I guess theres one person. Were friends, but its wierd I don't think he'd ever be intrested in me...i say that about every guy I like so get use to it now. I think a lot of my issues have to do with my really really really low self-esteem. It's hard for me, especially when all my friends are like gorgeous, and I always feel like that ugly duckling. yup thats me. I've gotten use to is i guess. What helps is that people love me so I don't worry too much about stuff like this, but once in awhile I do wish I had someone around. Why I hate the winter so much...it gets really really cold.
saskia-

Part 1: my life...

Hi! my names saskia joseph. I'm 19 and a sophmore in college. I thought i would try this out and see how far it takes me. My life story: hahah well my lifes a joke, well not in like a bad but in like akward things happen to me hahah. Like im that kinda girl that would probably come straight out of a movie that you say "that doesn't happen in real life." Well for me, it does. For example, i play rugby. I've had my shorts, spandex AND underwear pulled down on me as i made a tri (touchdown for people that dont know) in front of EVERYONE, fans, coach, sexy coach lol, uhmm parents, team, boys team the whole state i guess. AND to make matters worse theres pictures. So yeah akward stuff like that happens, maybe not all consisting of my butt, but things get worse. The wierd part about, i enjoy it lol. ALOT. I've gotten so use to my life being like that, ive acutally learned to go through a day expecting something wierd to happen, and if it doesnt then somethings wrong. VERY wrong. In my akward life i have a best friend who experiences the same akward situations with lol. Her names Miranda. I met her a july of 2009 and we've been best friends ever since. Shes my other half, the jelly to my peanut butter sandwhich, the marshmallows to my hot chocolate and all the above. YES. shes that serious. My Dear Diary lol. I'm not sure what i would do without her actually. She's also the sweetest person youll ever meet in your life. THe kindest person who wouldnt even hurt a fly, but would punch someone in the face if she had to lol. But i love her to death and would do anything for that girl, cause shes one of those people I know will be behind me in anything anytime anywhere. I also have other friends, well of course who i love dearly. I play rugby as i mentioned before and that team is my FAMILY i love them more than anything. Lifes not too bad once you get a hang of it. So thats the beginning to my life obviously there more to me than just akward moments and friends haha but you can basically sum my life up to that. Im an outgoing person and im very easy to get along with. I live for the moment and although i regret somethings i never would wanna go back in time to change them. I love to have fun and love tryin out new things blah blah and the whole nine yards. Well thats me, im not sure what more i should say, but of course ill keep ya'll updated.
untill next time...=]