Insecurities...

Today was a better day. I had a smile on that wasn't as fake as it would usually be. I was thinking today, about fears. Everyone has them and if you think about them they are very random stuff. Some people are scared of spiders, some people are scared of the dark.

Myself, am not scared of much. Not alot of things scare me. But I do have one big fear. It's probably the biggest fear I have. Rejection. The ability of someone saying "No" to me.  Honestly I hate it. I get sick to my stomache when I get turned down which is why I don't take too much risk and I don't take huge leaps with alot of things in life. I hate rejection more than anything in the world. Every since I was little, I never really liked asking my parents for things because I was scared of them saying No to me. I get sick to my stomache when I have to ask someone a question. It's really painful. I mean I understand I no one likes rejection, I get it, obviously it's not the best thing in the world. Like no one jumps around and screams for joy when they are rejected. I understand that. But with me, I don't handle rejection well at all. If I get said No to once, I won't ever ask again and I will lose all hope in everything I do and not bother moving on. I guess you could say I've let that keep me back a lot but it really hasn't. My secret, it's no secret I just do it myself. I don't ask for favors I'm pretty independent and what not. But there are somethings I just can't do. When someones like"what's the worst thing they could say , No?" I'm always like yes, that to me is by far the WORST thing someone could say to me. Like I said I don't handle rejection to well.

Like a perfect example; last weekend I was at this party with some friends at a friends house. I met this kid, his name was chris. I had talked to him all night and he loved me, thought I was so funny and what not and we were cool. So one of my friends was like, ask him to dance. This was the convo:

KB: "Ask him to dance!?"
Me: "WHAT!?!"
KB: "Ask him to dance just do it!"
Me: "I can't, what if he says no, I don't want to deal with that"
KB: "If you don't do it, then I will ask him for you"
Me: *silence*
KB:"I'm gonna"
Me:"okay I'll ask him"

And so I did, and to my surprise, he said yes and was actually really happy to dance with me and we had fun and I danced with him the entire time. It was great.

My issue: I need to grow some balls, and do things like that more often. Like I really do because I've missed so many oppurtunites in my lifetime because I was always too scared of people saying no to me. I'm really scared of things like that.

My goal: To grow a pair and do it. Just do it. Like what exactly is stopping me? Oh wait now I remember..ALL MY INSECURITES and MY LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

Like what can I do, to feel good about myself? If I don't feel good about myself, then no one will feel good about me! Does that make sense? What do I do? How do I become more comfortable with myself?