Happy Birthday...

So crazy weekend! I don't know really where to beginning. Well it was my best friend's birthday weekend and I planned everything out because I needed this to be a good time for her. Last year I had thrown her a surprise party and it was a complete success. So then I was like, what can top it off this year? Well, let me just start from the beginning.

Friday was this event at my school they have every year called Up All Night were all the clubs get together and set up booths to raise money for their organization. I was in it for rugby. We sold hot dogs because well on a Friday night lets face it everyone is gonna be drunk so they get hungry. We made over $135 just by selling those which is awesome for us. The boys team did wax a rugger or pie a rugger and well that pretty simple to understand, it was a good time! So that lasted till 2am whatever. Saturday was even bigger. See I love my friend this much...I wanted to throw her a party down in senior housing and of course that was no problem to find but our issue was getting speakers. I went out and bought a $150 dollar stereo system just for her! I'm crazy but it's a pretty sweet stereo system too. It's SOOOO LOUD I'm in love. So now on weekends when I'm getting ready I can BLAST my music over everyones music I'm sooooo pumped. Anyways, I did that and we had the party that night, we all looked fabulous and what not and the party was a huge success, all that matter was that she was happy. I got captains and coke spilt over my dress which mind you was an off set white I WAS PISSSEDD. I wanted to cry but I didn't. But I was really upset by it, but I didn't let it get to me and clearly no one gave a shit so I got over it, just like I do everything else in my life. So anyways party was a great turnout the place was packed it was fun. So then today Sunday it was her actually birthday and boy did I have surprises for her ALL day=] First off every year she gets and ice cream cake, it's a tradition of hers and she always talks about it. So she's been talking about it all week how she wanted to get one, but comon obviously I wasn't gonna let her buy it herself! So I got it and surprised it with her early in the afternoon. She was super happy about it. Her second surprise was her birthday present. I got her a vibrator from spencers=] hahah she was beyond shocked! So then a few of s went out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse which was BOMB. Were all having a goodtime whatever and then the final suprise of the weekend was taking her to a stripclub. Well me being an idiot forgot my id at school so I wasn't able to get in which really sucked because I planned it all and I didn't even get to see how it was. So one of the girls didn't want to stay so me and her went around and visited different colleges. They had fun without me though so it's all good. I'm over it. I put other people first. In life you have to make sacrifices for the people that you love,and then maybe one day someone will come along and care enough to make the same sacrifices..I'm just waiting for that someday and someone. But she had a good time so that's really all that mattered to me, it was her weekend. She loved it! I'm glad because if it sucked I'd be pissed that I worked so hard for nothing. Successful weekend though I'd have to say.

Me on the other hand, I'm bummed. I don't know why I do it to myself, I always set myself up for hurt. ALWAYS. I don't really know why either because I KNOW better. Theres this kid. He's one of my good friends. Well I use to debate whether or not I had feelings for him or not and I told myself NO. Well in the back of my head I guess I still kept the thought there and it always comes back, which sucks. Well one of my friends had came up this weekend because she's my roommates best friend. She had told me she had feelings for this kid for awhile so I backed off, told her I would help her out and what not. Well she "got to know him" and I don't know something in me kind of sank, way way way deep down to the pit of my stomache, which kind of sucked. But then again I kick myself because I know I'm not suppose to, at all, like it was stupid stupid stupid of me to ever think that anything would ever happen, because were just friends. But then in the car I got really upset because he used to like one of my friends and I don't know, he might still and that really got me down because she's one of those girls that always get attention. So basically, I'm back in a funk and it sucks. It's gonna take a while to get back out of it. It sucks and I hate it but like it mostly my self-esteem dropping to below zero and then so much other shit is added onto it, like how I felt today and what not. I need to focus on something else to keep me from tearing up and thinking too much about my life.

So what has Saskia learned from all this? That shit happens. That somethings work out in life and somethings don't. I also still need to learn that I can't change the way something is. That I must learn to deal no matter how tough it is or will be. And that I shouldn't set my hopes so high up anymore or else it will be a really far fall down for me, making it's easier for me to get to hurt. I must accept the way life is and just hope it gets better for me...