Not much...besides the BRUINS!

Today was my first day of work. It was SO chill. My supervisor is insanely cool its amazing. She basically let's you do whatever as long as your doing your work. It's weird because it's  different from what I'm use to. I worked in bigger cafes and it  was crazy all the time but because this is a business building it's a bit smaller. It was SO slow today. I did nothing and everything is wicked easy, it won't take me long to learn the ropes. It helps that they just started because this place just opened the other day because they switched companies. I can get use to this real quick:) So I WAS having a good day till I came home and my mother ruined it with her bitchy self, as usual.

I need to get out of this house. Yes I'm tired of it already. I'm bored as fuck and theres nothing to do. I get to see my friends tomorrow which is going to be really exciting and really fun. Can't wait! But heres the problem, I have to see bitch and her new boyfriend who really should have been mine. I might vomit. Nothing a drink or two can't handle and then I won't even pay them any mind. I hate getting hurt and screwed over at the same time.

So I need luck. My friend is going to talk to her boss at Saus tomorrow to get me a job. Hopefully they take me because then I won't have to work in Lowell. I really want to work there and work with my good friend. It would be a sick summer of just working. Right my life is soooooo excited..NAHT. I know but it'll all be worth it in the end. AND hope that I get that Sunday school job too! I'd be so happy if I could do all of them. WISH ME LUCK. Well I don't have much thought today, I'm kinda in a pissy mood right now.

Before I go I would like to thank summer-claire for giving me an award for stylish blogger!:)


I've never gotten an award before..this is my first! YAY! SOOO go check her out at http://summerdreamsx.blogspot.com/ ...her blog is actually pretty good...haha ;) thanks girl!

OH and by the way BRUINS ARE ON TONIGHT! WOOOOH LETS GOOOOOO! :)

until next time
-saskia

It's Time To Love ME

Okay guys I've got some fabulous news! I got a job! YAY! I had an interview yesterday with this place called Sebastian's. It's a cafe, I will be doing line cook and cashier. I start next Monday. It's a Monday-Friday 9-3 shifts everyday no weekends. perfect! That leaves me time to find a job I can work nights and weekends. It gets better! I have an interview next Tuesday at this place called Lowell Beer Works. I had applied for the Hostess position. Hopefully I get that job and can work nights and weekends. If  not that place my friend Lauren works at the place called Saus in Boston in Fanuiel Hall which would be sick cause I love Lauren she's soo funny and on my rugby team. So basically I'm in for a quite a summer;) lets keep our fingers crossed for me! Plus it's beautiful out!

Okay so heres the issue. One of my teammates is a bit of a bitch right now. She is a selfish bitch who only cares about herself. So remember the boy I told you guys I may or may not have feelings for? Well can't do jack shit about that now because she just dove in and stole him from me. It gets better. SHE KNEW I HAD FEELINGS FOR HIM. Yup, backstabbing bitch. She knew and still did it and I'm very resentful towards her right now. Like you just don't do that. She the type of girl that only cares about her and her own selfish needs and everyone else can fend for themselves. She already screwed over 3 BEST FRIENDS by fucking all of them. She's a fucked up person. I'm just waiting for this relationship to FAIL MISERABLY. And guess whose gonna end up fucking it up, HER. Yup I called it. What sucks even more is that I think I still kind of like him and it hurts like hell to try and get over it. I've learned that in life your heart chooses who you like and don't like and who you love. You can't help it, it's just how it's gotta be. I've decided to take a whole new outlook on life cause I'm just SO TIRED of getting my heart ripped out of my chest and stomped on. I'm just gonna love me. It's time that I start loving myself and that's it. If it's all about me then I won't get hurt. It may sound a little selfish yes but I've been through way too much and have cared way too much about others and haven't really gotten that same respect back. Someone's gotta do it and if I can find someone to love me than I'm just gonna love myself. That's my easy way out of a broken heart. I've come to terms with all of that now.

So my plans for the rest of the week? Tomorrow I have to go in and fill out paper work for this job and stuff. Saturday is my little sister's dance recital and then I'm leaving to NH for my friends birthday party which is going to be insane. Basically it's going to be a mini reunion  of all my friends:) I'm pretty excited. Well everyone have a fabulous Wed!!
till next time
-Saskia

My Focus

Wah! It's been forever I know and I'm extremely sorry! I'm home for the summer, so now I have plenty of time to talk about my pointless life. So I got home last Saturday. I stayed for senior week, which was AMAZING. It was really fun just being with the seniors with their last few days at good ole frankie p! It was really chill, for once, no drama of underclassmen, you can do whatever you want and no one gave a shit. And everyone was shitfaced the entire time. Haha, every night I was gone...bad but it was a good time. Now I'm taking a break because by Saturday my tummy hurt, A LOT hah. But I'm going back up next Saturday for my good friend Sam's birthday. It should be fun. I need a break from this house already! By the way, I'm on that 3.0 status for my GPA, HELL YA! I worked my ass off this semester for that, and I'll be damned if I let myself fuck that up. Hell no! Everyone was actually really surprised that I got that. What the hell man!? I'm not stupid! I'm actually quite intelligent and vivid when I WANT to be. But no one looks past party girl Saskia Joseph. I don't even party that much. Okay well that's a lie. But so does everyone else! When I'm out the same people are out too! So they can piss off if they think I'm a fucking dunce. You gotta do what it takes to make it in life, and I did it, the hard way too not the easy way. I studied, I did all my papers, I did all my power-points,  EVERYTHING. Suck it.

So my goals for the summer: GET A JOB! Do you know how hard it is to actually find one?? REAL HARD. But I NEED one. It's crucial to my goals. And I'm tired of working in the food industry, this is how I get FAT. Which leads into my next goal: LOSE WEIGHT.  I need to so bad. And this time, It's legit. I want to lose weight for myself, so I can feel good about who I am, and when I look in the mirror, it won't be disgust, it'll be like "Damn whose that chick?" I want to look in the mirror and smile at the person looking back. "Happiness: the ability to look in the mirror and like the person looking back..." I want that. And then comes everything that comes with losing weight, being noticed and maybe someone will actually be interested in me. I know looks aren't everything, but they really are. In this cut throat society looks are EVERYTHING. As much as I don't want to believe and you don't want to believe, deep down, you know it really is. Well I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna try and lose as much weight as possible. If anyone has ANY TIPS, please do share because anything helps:) I'll also keep this blog as a diary of my progress as well as my life, so updating will be must! More of ME YAY!:)
My next goal: GET A CAR...which well, getting a job needs to come first, I've applied at over 20 places and nowhere has gotten back. FML. I'm going to the mall on Monday to find any openings, wish me luck and keep your fingers crossed for me!
So yeah, no where in there does it say enjoy my summer, because I know when I do find a job, I will be selling my soul to that place. Yup...no biggie. Either way thats what the school year is for. It's okay. I'm over it.

So those are my goals and where my priorities are right now. Lets hope for the best. And OF COURSE I will DEF keep everyone updated. This time is for real.
Until next time:)
-Saskia

Going Green!

Okay. So really quick! I was looking on Jodi's blog and she talks about this real cool way of basically helping the enviorment. Lets face it, we suck at saving this world. Basically the link can help your blog go green! Sweet right!?! So if you put the badge of you blog and write about, then you get a tree planted for you! What!? thats awesome to even think about, someone planting a tree for me because of this simple task...too bad life isn't this easy! Well check it out=]
 http://www.kaufda.de/umwelt/carbon-neutral/how-you-can-join/

SPRING WEEKEND=)

Okay..it's been awhile I'm sorrrrrrrrry=[ I've been busy with schoolwork and rugby and stressing about my life. But for this weekened thats all done with it..I got all my work done for monday yesterday and guess what this weekend is!? SPRING WEEKEND. For those of you that don't what this weekend means, basically its the LAST BIG hurraaaaah! Yessss last one for the year..so what do we do...get drunk all weekend and do around the world and hang out with all the seniors. I've actually had the honor of being real close with them and honestly they have given me so much and I'm going to miss them terribly. It's going to be different. I will give you a full background of the seniors and how much they mean to me in a later post. As of now..it's 1pm I have class at 2pm....I've already made myself drink # 1 and will be playing drinking games in class..yeaah this will be fun=] I'll give you updates soon!

-Saskia

True Love...?

Love. What is love exactly? Everyone longs to hear those words "I love you" and not from their parents or friends but from someone you care alot about that you want in your life forever. But heres the thing. When it's said, does it really mean anything?

    I have this friend. Her freshman year her and this boy who is now graduated had a relationship. They went out for three years and it was for sure they would be together forever. I was always asking her when the wedding was and everything. That's how serious this was. And I wasn't the only one who thought it, we all did! Well about a couple weeks ago I find out they have broken up and thought it was just another phase they were going through. So this past weekend I asked her about it and I she says, he hates me were done for good and she walks away. I look at my friend with confused looks on both our faces. So we find her the next day and sit down with her and ask her what is going on. Well turns out a year ago he had cheated on her with another one of  our friends who also graduated and never told her. So basically we were all fooled to believe that they were meant for each other. Well while he's gone, she ended up cheating on him recently but she told him the day after and it took him a year to tell her that he cheated on her with the other chick. Well all hell breaks loose, he calls her all these names and they break up and are done. What sucks even more is that he's one of our friends as well. So I mean I understand I'm not forced to choose sides, but it still sucks because both parties fucked up.

 So heres where my questions comes in. Does love even exsist? And if it does, is it for real? Seeing this couple I had hope. Like YES! Love is real and everyone can find it and true love is still somewhere out there. But then hearing all this it's like, there really is no such thing. That all relationships are based on lies and secrets. Every relationship I've witnessed, something always happens and gets fucked up. Which leaves me with no hope what so ever. So what's your opinion on this. Is true love impossible?

Lovers & Friends

     I've never been one to care for people too much. I did some thinking and of course some creeping and I realize that I have met a lot of people within these 20 years I've been around. I don't want to sound concieted or self-centered, cause we all know I'm the last person that should get a big head, but people do know me. Even through mutual friends, I'm known. It's funny because people I considered close, well their gone. I'm not clingy, I don't look for drama with people, honestly I keep to myself...a lot. So my question is why do people fade away in life? I was doing some creeping on facebook and fell upon so many people I was good friends with and then all of sudden it just stopped. One pattern in them is that boyfriends always came first. I mean ALWAYS. Which is always pretty fucked up. Maybe I just didn't know how to pick them...I honestly couldn't tell you. But one thing I know is that it was never my fault. I can tell you straight up that if I were the problem I would admit it and be done with my life. I can admit fault...some people can't. I was never the type of person to get attached to quickly, but I was always the one that opened up too quickly but never to scare people away, which made it easier for my heart to get broken by a "friend". And I'll admit I set myself up for hurt sometimes. I guess I just trust in people too easily. There are somedays where I'll sit and think about the times I use to have with friends. Do I wish I could go back and change things? Yes. If I had one more chance to make right with some people would I do it? Maybe. Do I regret some of my friendships? Always. Why? Because the ones that I regret are the ones that hurt the most to lose. I think it was the fact that I knew I was losing them  that made it even harder. That's thing about me, when I make friends with someone, I can tell whether it's going to last or not. But yet I still open up each time. I hate myself for being so ignorant. And what sucks the most, those people never even bother saying Hi once in awhile. Well you know what I say...Fuck them. One day they will realize they lost a good thing and it'll be too late for them to "patch" things up again. Because I will look the other way and pretend they never exsisted, just like they did to me.

     Another thing I've been thinking about. Okay so this weekend right, I went away. I went to this party with friends and had a good time. I danced blah blah and all that bullshit. Well heres the thing...when it came to boys, I wasn't interested...I'm not a lesbian, I'll explain what I mean. It's like when I talk to a dude, I have no desire to hook up with them, nor do I have that same desire for a girl. Most of the time I just pay attention to me and that's all I care about.Sometimes I feel like I'm asexaul because I don't go guy or girl crazy. But then I wonder if I ever will get into a relationship because I don't try...at all. But then I bitch about life and how I can never get a guy. Well why do I bitch when shit goes both ways you know. In order for me to start a love life, I need to try and talk to a guy and keep his interest. But see heres the thing, I'm always scared I'm gonna say something stupid and usually thats what holds me back from life...EACH TIME. I get nervous alot. But honestly I really do need to grow some balls. And the worst part is I'm in this fantasy world where I keep thinking the guy that I like will one day just come up to me and tell me it's me he's wanted all along...well I should probably get it through my head now that it's never gonna happen and I need to stop waiting for something that's never gonna come true. It's called me facing reality. Shit's never gonna work out the way I want it to, so I need to stop dreaming.NOW. But here's the problem, What do I do exactly? I feel like can't handle a relationship but I kind of want someone around you know...but I don't talk lol and even if I started to I wouldn't know what to say and my self-esteem doesn't really help. So what do I do with my life now? Wait around for prince-charming? Well when he comes along I probably won't realize it because I'm way too shy to say anything so we would never have a conversation, so basically I'm doomed for dinner for 1 forever. I need serious help.